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everyday it’s endless distractions to not cut myself, relapsing, repenting, relapsing, trying to stay clean, all while hiding this from everyone. i’m tired, i want to stop but i feel so far gone and ik everyone says “you’re never too far gone” but i feel like the worst sinner to walk this planet. idk if sh would be considered a sin but if it is then i’ve done it over and over and over and over . i don’t have anyone to ask without troubling them, i’ve already bothered a friend and i don’t wanna bother him again. i’m scared and i’m lost and i want to die . i’m so scared. i’m terrified. i’m terrified. i’m scared God has abandoned me, i’m scared there’s no redemption left for me because i’ve repented, convinced myself i’m forgiven only to relapse again and i’m so scared. my family is blessed with miracles but i don’t know if i am any more, in fact it feels more like i’m making my whole family stumble. i’m scared, i don’t want to do this anymore but i just feel like i have to punish myself, like it needs to be done.
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There are hardly any humans who can live according to God’s will. Everyone simply spends their entire lives committing sin, repenting, and then committing sin again—repeating this cycle without end. It is no exaggeration to say that there are practically no true children of God who are genuinely born again, transformed, and changed. All people live in sin, merely increasing their cunning to rationalize and excuse their sins, but there is no one who lives according to God’s will. This is because all religions and Christians alike serve God while also serving the world and material things, and as a result, only continual corruption, depravity, lawlessness, falsehood, evil deeds, and heresy are repeated. There is no one who lives the life of Christ in pursuit of God’s will. Because their faith is solely for their own worldly happiness, success, and prosperity, sin inevitably continues without ceasing.
That is why God commands you to take up your cross, even to the point of giving your life, and live a life pursuing the love of Christ. Yet without living the life of Christ, the arrogance and pride of pretending to be a true Christian have reached their height, and within Christianity all manner of corruption, depravity, lawlessness, falsehood, and evil deeds are being spread throughout the world. This is the tragic reality of today. And this is why the Day of Judgment exists. Only by being born again, changed, and transformed can one become a child of God. The children of God do not commit sin and are set free from sin.
He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil. Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.(1 John 3 : 8~9)
But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness. I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh: for as ye have yielded your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield your members servants to righteousness unto holiness. For when ye were the servants of sin, ye were free from righteousness. What fruit had ye then in those things whereof ye are now ashamed? for the end of those things is death. But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life. For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.(Romans 6 : 17~23)
The faith of Christians who merely engage in meaningless repentance—endlessly repeating the same sins—is nothing more than momentary awakening, resolve, and determination born out of fleeting emotions driven by the flesh. Yet, they turn back and sin again according to their self-interest. This is the tragic reality of Christians today. Christians are not true disciples of Christ, and that is why they cannot break free from human limitations. The cycle of sinning and repenting, sinning and repenting, then turning back to sin again, has only increased their cunning in rationalizing and excusing their sins. This is the reality of Christianity today. Those whose sins have piled up to the point that they no longer feel any pangs of conscience are the ones who call themselves “spiritual.”
The “spirit” refers to the conscience. A person without a conscience is one without a spirit, and one who has abandoned their conscience has abandoned their spirit. So-called pastors who do not even know the value of the spirit teach for the sake of their own lust and greed, using all kinds of lies and evil deeds; as a result, Christians all alike repeat the cycle of sinning and repenting until the day they die. Truth is not mere awakening, resolve, or determination through words and theories. The truth is receiving the power to put to death the evil habits of humanity that cause us to repeat sin no matter how much we awaken, resolve, or determine to change. In other words, it is to receive God’s love, and within that love to be nourished in the heart and thereby receive God’s power.
The power of God in love surpasses a lifetime of human awakening, resolve, and determination that can only ever lead to repeated sin—it transcends human limitations. Teaching others to receive the power of God is the truth, and that truth is found only in the love of God. Therefore, those who do not reside in the love of God cannot help but commit sin.
Right now, you are not truly believing in God; you are merely believing in a man-made religion in which no power or evidence has been manifested for so long. You are not believing in God. Those who believe in religion cannot go beyond human limitations, for religion is man-made and cannot transcend the limits of humanity. Christianity was not established or created by God; it was created by King Constantine —a worldly king driven by greed and desire for power—in order to govern through religious control. God’s power does not work within a religion devised for political rule. If you wish to find the way to live by pursuing God’s power, you must first learn why God, in His providence, created this sinful flesh. Then seek the way of life here. Refer to the e-book(Author : Yo Han Lee) or the website Moses’ Burning Bush(https://mosesbush.com)—it will be of great help.
If you know the fundamental purpose and origin for which you were created, you will have no reason to commit suicide. And when you understand why God created human beings with flesh that cannot help but sin, you will find your reason to live.(https://mosesbush.com/why-did-god-create-humans/)
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